?How to Convert Judgment into Compassion and Kindness

Louharya | 16.05.2021

A friend told me that she is focusing on enhancing her ability to direct more compassion and kindness towards different states in her life and towards people.

She told me that she finds that in some cases her ability to open her heart and express a positive emotion comes easily, whereas in other situations she is struggling to do so because she experiences judgment.

We started a conversation in which I presented to her tools and understandings as to how to convert judgment and criticism into positive emotions that hold kindness and compassion, and I thought to myself that I should share them with you, as they are relevant to many.

When you encounter a person or situation that evokes within you judgment or resistance, this stems from categorizing what you encounter as “good” or “bad”.

This categorization stems from the fact that you have world perceptions, values, and norms that define what you believe, and from your mind analyzing the reality according to all these and to the templates that you are familiar with, which assist you in conducting yourselves within reality.

When you want to express compassion and kindness even in challenging situations that evoke negative thoughts and feelings in you, all that is required is to change the manner you view the situation or the person and practice a new perspective that is composed of a few steps that I will present to you now.

What are the steps for this new perspective which brings forth compassion and kindness?

1. The first step is a step in which you observe the person or situation and create an analysis of what you are seeing.

In this step, it is important that you observe things with equanimity,  while you make sure to report to yourself what you see in a balanced and objective manner, without identification or losing emotional balance. If you recognize that you are becoming emotionally invested, let go of the observation and return to the analysis process only after you feel you can adopt the perspective of a neutral observer.

2. The second step is a step in which you consciously compare the person or situation to the values you believe in and estimate them in regards to your own world perceptions and the norms you follow.

This is a significant step because when you do this, it is important that you do not categorize what you are observing as “negative” or “positive” or as “good” or “bad”, but simply say to yourselves: the person or situation I am observing are compatible with my values and world perception, or they are not compatible with my values and world perception.

Once you define things this way, you do not categorize what you are observing, but are only noting to yourselves the level of compatibility to your own beliefs.

Remember that “pornography is a matter of geography”, meaning a situation where you feel dissonance, resistance or difficulty might be considered normal for other people who are not aware of additional possibilities.

Another thing to keep in mind is the understanding that you only see what you are able to perceive, see and contain at this moment, because you don’t know what you don’t know, and maybe in a little while you will be able to look at things from a different point of view and give them a different perspective and new interpretation.

3.  In the next and last step, add to your observation the recognition that what or who you are observing now, which might awaken judgment in you, is only a state of development.

Meaning, say to yourselves while analyzing and observing:  what I am looking at is not “good” or “bad”, but this is a state of development that the person or situation are reflecting back to me and I do not judge them because I recognize that it is always possible to grow to the next level, transform, form new values and norms and change the approach and manners of conduct.

The moment you accept the state of development of the person or situation you are observing is reflecting, your judgment will be released, and what will remain is a feeling of compassion and kindness.

Try to practice these steps and let me know in the comments of the processes you have created.

Yours with love and goodwill.